Published in New York Spirit
We arrive alone on this earth and we will go from here likewise. Yet, when it comes to living, we are uncomfortable and jittery about the thought of being alone. There is a misconception that one cannot and should not live alone. This has led to the conditioning of minds and hence man went away from his true nature. Alone is not lonely.
Being alone has always been painted as a sad, dismal and negative imagery. There is a conscious effort to escape this aloneness. If not people, they make sure the noise of TV or internet is playing in the background to make their mind engaged all the time. Why silence causes anxiety? The chaos of outside world has made us so comfortable with noise that the silence haunts us. Who knows what it might reveal to us!
Have you ever tried to be acquainted with the beauty of aloneness? The wisdom of knowing you? The relaxation of just being you? No one to tell you what or who to follow. This “you-ness” is being feared greatly because you never dared to enter this cave as the society always directed you otherwise. That space was often used to scare you, to cripple you, to make you dependent.
There is no denying the fact that the world survives on relationships. Yet there is an irony that the relationships become a source of suffering. Millions of people go on clinging to their relationships, destroying oneself and the other in the process, just because they have a fear of being alone. Throughout our life, we are on a quest to find someone to ‘complete’ ourselves when the truth is, once you un-strange yourself, become comfortable in your own presence, the quest to find someone becomes about sharing the bliss and not to find some missing piece. You are whole in yourself.
When you are capable of loving your own company, only then you can share yourself with someone else. Once you are able to listen to the silent voice within you, the reflections, the self-analysis, the wave of emotions, the beauty of inexpressible poetic thoughts, the wisdom, that’s when you will discover a deep solace within. The relationship, then, is not a necessity but a significant and a beautiful bloom that happens because you might come across another person who is equally joyful in their own being; not to get rid of unmarried status because the society has set an age and criterion. Spending alone time is necessary even when you are in a relationship to analyze yourself. A relationship is a great catalyst for the spiritual growth of two people provided they deem it necessary to look within first. That can happen in those ‘alone but not lonely’ moments. A toxic relationship can make you lonely even when you are not alone.
When a relationship is not out of fear of loneliness or intention of getting benefits, then only the relationship is what it should be. Married or not. Picture-perfect or not. Hetero or not.
Alone vs. Lonely
Loneliness is different from being alone. You can be lonely even in a crowd. You can be lonely even with the riches or without it. The parameter of loneliness is not the outer belongings but the degree of inner belongingness. You can never be lonely when you like your own company. This ‘being alone’ is a territory where no one else can enter. It is your space, your temple, your church. It is your blissful place.
We all see ourselves as one whereas there is an outer self which we project to the world and an inner self which is just you. Unfortunately, we become so involved in projections that the real us gets concealed so deep within that we forget its existence.
There is a treasure of wisdom within. There is an elixir of joyfulness there. It is such a relief to walk on this inner path that even when the outer world is seemingly in chaos, the inner world is calm and guiding you. You change. Your approach to life changes. It’s as if you wear a noise-canceling headphones while the clamor of outside world is at its peak. The path of love, empathy, understanding of a bigger view opens up. Your real potential opens up. The life becomes an expression of this potential.
But all this won’t come easy. The years of conditioning will go slowly. The ego tries to give you an illusion of pain because it will be the first one to face the fatality. That shouldn’t stop you from giving yourself that alone time. The wisdom you came with can only be found in the solitude moments.
May the solitude helps you find the treasure within!