Beyond… A Journey Within

Swati Singh

Alone is not lonely

Published in New York Spirit


We arrive alone on this earth and we will go from here likewise. Yet, when it comes to living, we are uncomfortable and jittery about the thought of being alone. There is a misconception that one cannot and should not live alone. This has led to the conditioning of minds and hence man went away from his true nature. Alone is not lonely.

Being alone has always been painted as a sad, dismal and negative imagery. There is a conscious effort to escape this aloneness. If not people, they make sure the noise of TV or internet is playing in the background to make their mind engaged all the time. Why silence causes anxiety? The chaos of outside world has made us so comfortable with noise that the silence haunts us. Who knows what it might reveal to us!

Have you ever tried to be acquainted with the beauty of aloneness? The wisdom of knowing you? The relaxation of just being you? No one to tell you what or who to follow. This “you-ness” is being feared greatly because you never dared to enter this cave as the society always directed you otherwise. That space was often used to scare you, to cripple you, to make you dependent.

Lonely relationships

There is no denying the fact that the world survives on relationships. Yet there is an irony that the relationships become a source of suffering. Millions of people go on clinging to their relationships, destroying oneself and the other in the process, just because they have a fear of being alone. Throughout our life, we are on a quest to find someone to ‘complete’ ourselves when the truth is, once you un-strange yourself, become comfortable in your own presence, the quest to find someone becomes about sharing the bliss and not to find some missing piece. You are whole in yourself.

When you are capable of loving your own company, only then you can share yourself with someone else. Once you are able to listen to the silent voice within you, the reflections, the self-analysis, the wave of emotions, the beauty of inexpressible poetic thoughts, the wisdom, that’s when you will discover a deep solace within. The relationship, then, is not a necessity but a significant and a beautiful bloom that happens because you might come across another person who is equally joyful in their own being; not to get rid of unmarried status because the society has set an age and criterion. Spending alone time is necessary even when you are in a relationship to analyze yourself. A relationship is a great catalyst for the spiritual growth of two people provided they deem it necessary to look within first. That can happen in those ‘alone but not lonely’ moments. A toxic relationship can make you lonely even when you are not alone.

When a relationship is not out of fear of loneliness or intention of getting benefits, then only the relationship is what it should be. Married or not. Picture-perfect or not. Hetero or not.

Alone vs. Lonely

Loneliness is different from being alone. You can be lonely even in a crowd. You can be lonely even with the riches or without it. The parameter of loneliness is not the outer belongings but the degree of inner belongingness. You can never be lonely when you like your own company. This ‘being alone’ is a territory where no one else can enter. It is your space, your temple, your church. It is your blissful place.

We all see ourselves as one whereas there is an outer self which we project to the world and an inner self which is just you. Unfortunately, we become so involved in projections that the real us gets concealed so deep within that we forget its existence.

There is a treasure of wisdom within. There is an elixir of joyfulness there. It is such a relief to walk on this inner path that even when the outer world is seemingly in chaos, the inner world is calm and guiding you. You change. Your approach to life changes. It’s as if you wear a noise-canceling headphones while the clamor of outside world is at its peak. The path of love, empathy, understanding of a bigger view opens up. Your real potential opens up. The life becomes an expression of this potential.

But all this won’t come easy. The years of conditioning will go slowly. The ego tries to give you an illusion of pain because it will be the first one to face the fatality. That shouldn’t stop you from giving yourself that alone time. The wisdom you came with can only be found in the solitude moments.

May the solitude helps you find the treasure within!



14 comments on “Alone is not lonely

  1. Soul Gifts
    July 21, 2018

    I treasure my alone times

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Eileen Gross Ross
    February 21, 2018

    at some point in our lives ,we all hope to find this oneness with self it is a wonderful fulfilling place to be… it is ,however, a continual daily living being in the present moment and enjoying it without unusual fear is a wonderful thing

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Elizabeth Sheel
    February 5, 2018

    Reblogged this on Gentle Ignition and commented:
    Oh – lovely post! I am archiving it in my special stuff site called Hope you don’t mind? Thank you…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Fusayo
    January 31, 2018

    Hello, Swati!
    Yes l also agree with everything you say.
    Alone time is nessesary and being mentally independent even when you are in a relationship is
    important for us to keep a great relationship when we tend to push our egos, after all we come to this earth alone and we will go back alone. I enjoy when l’m alone but sometimes l do get lonely, l know that is my weakness that l need to resolve, because if l am feeling the wholeness, I know that l won’t be feeling loneliness
    This life is such a journey isn’t it?! great journey of wisdom, compassion and love.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Swati Singh
      January 31, 2018

      Dear Fusayo,
      Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
      Usually, when our thoughts go in the direction of “not enough” by comparing ourselves to others or lack of ‘something’ in our lives, we tend to feel ‘lonely’. When we are not liking our own company, we feel lonely. It’s normal for us to feel all kinds of emotions. As long as they are just the visitors. Don’t let them make a home there. And soon, you shall see that loneliness has again gone back to the happy, busy solitude.


    November 26, 2017

    True! I totally agree! We all need to go within and have that “alone time”, and we can do it through various meditation techniques or by practicing mindfulness.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: Alone is not lonely – Pythes

  7. Abigail
    November 19, 2017

    Nice I agree. Alone definitely is not lonely.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. thisblackgurl
    November 18, 2017

    I love this. I love being alone but people always make me feel bad and always ask that don’t I feel lonely. Started making feel bad that I’m always alone but reading this, just reassured me it okay.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Swati Singh
      November 20, 2017

      Thank you for sharing.
      One shouldn’t feel bad about being oneself. Isn’t it? Being comfortable in one’s own company is something not everyone can do. Make your own path, girl! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


This entry was posted on November 18, 2017 by in Lessons, Love, Mind, Relationship, Spiritual, spirituality, Universe.

Copyrights Reserved.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Disclaimer on Images

Utmost care has been taken while posting the relevant images on this website. Either they are taken from free images or after acquiring permissions. However, if there is an image appearing on this website that belongs to you and you do not wish for it appear on this site, please E-mail with a link to said image and it will be promptly removed. Images on this blog are copyright to its respectful owners.
%d bloggers like this: