Published on New York Spirit
“If you keep avoiding self-love, the universe will keep sending you people who also avoid loving you, hoping you get a little clue.” – Unknown
Loving oneself is much more than accepting the body or external blemishes. It is to love and respect this life which we have been blessed with. It is to know that what’s within you will determine your outer world too.
We all grow up amidst circumstances which condition our mind to believe that we are not enough. We relentlessly look for approvals in order to conceal our low self-esteem. Over the years, this becomes an integral part of our behavior. Little do we realize that the persistent issues in our relationships – spouse, friends, family and lovers – are emerging due to lack of love within ourselves.
As an empathetic soul, your heart goes out for people and often fail to notice the hidden malice. You have been hurt before too due to that and often such souls wonder what is the right path. You often keep yourself at the lowest rung whereas the life’s recurring events are telling you to show kindness to yourself first.
Do you love yourself?
In any relationship, ask yourself if you feel free, happy and blessed. Do not justify by saying that everyone has to sacrifice something. If a mother sacrifices a night’s sleep, that is her inherent nature and care for her baby. You won’t see her bragging or making it as a reason to enforce her will. If sacrifices are spoken, they lose its value. They just become an aid to emotional squabbles. Any relationship should be an aid to growth on this life’s path. Priority, here, should be equal. You are as important as the other person. Not above or below him.
I have seen many people leaving food laid at the table for hours to attend phone calls. Food is not just a means to stimulate your senses and have a full stomach. Food is the fuel to maintain the vehicle of your soul – your body. The real reason behind not leaving the food table mid-way is not just mannerisms but the very reason of respecting yourself first. How do you expect to get respect from anyone if you are not giving it to yourself?
The third form of not giving priority to oneself is saying a yes when you want to say a no. All those yes-es you said to your boss or your friends because you did not know how to say a no, will eventually lead you to a trap. The size of the trap depends on the size of your yes. Being an empathetic person is inherent for some of us but it is essential to be aware so that you can see through the person. Have you ever thought why they compel you to say a yes? Not because they see you as a nice person which you definitely are. It is because you give out a vibe of a person that can be pushed and molded according to them. It is a harsh truth but the world will exploit you if you do not stand for yourself. Do you feel your ‘no’ will make them feel bad? What about how you would feel? Happiness should begin with you. You will still be the nice person even after you say a no. Nice and confident.
Be dauntless when it comes to nourishing your own self. Life will reward you for that.
Know the world around you
Let’s face it. We do not live in an ideal world even though we certainly wish to. It is full of sharks and eagles. Well, no, it is full of inhuman humans. Believing that nothing will happen to us won’t work in this world. You have to be on the guard for yourself constantly being aware of your surroundings.
If you often forget where you kept your keys or if you frequently do not see the object even when it is in front of you, you might be becoming unmindful of your surroundings. The chaos of your thoughts is overpowering you. You similarly are prone to be unmindful of people around you. They will persuade you to walk their path. Persuasion can come in the form of flattery or coercion. If you are aware, you will stay away from such energy eaters. Look for genuineness while choosing friends. If you don’t find any, be just with yourself. You will attract your tribe eventually.
Listen to your inner voice
Once you are aware and mindful of your surroundings, intuition will keep on assisting you on your path. It will tell you the person is not right, the situation is not right, the path is not right. It will guide you throughout your life. But to reach that level where you can get intuition and distinguish it from your fears and beliefs, you have to turn inwards. You have to be mindful. You have to be aware.
We all are walking on the life’s highway. The road is not smooth. It is dusty, pebbled and consists of pits, boulders, and mazes. Once we learn how to live with awareness, we will get a sign that there is a danger ahead. We will take a detour.
The Hidden Treasure
Loving yourself does mean accepting all the scars, but it is much more important to keep your eyes open and not to stumble into pits. There will be lessons of loss, betrayal, sickness, calamities and what not which will make you stronger and bring wisdom to your life. The hazards which we are forcing onto us are not the lessons but a consequence of our blindfolded attitude towards life, towards ourselves.
It takes courage to turn inwards and see the flaws within oneself and work towards them. The day you start respecting yourself, your time, your life, it will all change for you.
When your heart will be full of love for yourself, you won’t feel the need to look for it outside. Doesn’t mean that you won’t get a partner in life; it implies that you won’t stumble in wrong places. You would see through the mirage. Nothing will hold you back.
Loving me is the best thing I could have ever learned. Now, it is your turn.
May you find the treasure of true love, hidden deep inside you!