Published on New York Spirit
Love – Ah! One word and thousands of emotions start effervescing in our heads (or heart?).
We all crave for love. We get shattered and broken down by people whom we thought to be our love-mates. Bad experiences make us bitter and depressed. Gradually, the belief in such emotion starts fading away. Everywhere I look people are labeling ‘true love’ as fiction and are ready to settle in life without even trying for it. And by trying, I certainly don’t suggest wandering in an exploration of such a life partner. All I mean is exploring deep within yourself and allowing your heart to be open to such a profound emotion. The rest will follow.What is true love?
Spiritual master, Thich Nhat Hanh describes four elements of true love:
Maître– the ability to bring joy to the person you love
Karuna– the ability to understand and ease pain of each other
Mudita– feeling joyful in love
Upeksha– giving and feeling freedom in love inside and outside.
This is not the initial phase of hormone-rushing love. It is a never-ending, soul-nourishing love which brings more happiness in giving. You feel free. You get a sky to fly. You feel merriment in life. And that’s exactly what your partner feels.
How do I find this ‘kind’ of love?
Such potential of love is within all of us. But to experience, it consciously requires compassion and deep understanding. Otherwise, it gets stuck in worldly love, or as Osho says, ‘power politics’. There is a war to prove dominance in the relationship and that gives false carnal gratification. You feel you know your partner perfectly and begin taking the whole chemistry for granted. Such a relationship gets tedious in due course of time. With chemistry fizzling out, people start feeling there is no true love. They are indirectly blaming the partner, not realizing it is they too who started the relationship keeping in mind the societal criterion (tall, good-looking, confident, wealthy, fits into the category of making other people jealous, and so on) and then hurried to a legal contract to bind as soon as possible because apparently, everything should be secure and foreseeable. It was always a fantasy waiting to end.
What we all should be looking for is something beyond just a customary predictable relationship. There are many steps to reach the zenith of love where love is the state of being and not defined by law or ego. It is the perfect symphony of two people who discover each other every day. They are a mirror to each other to show the potential and blocks one has. They respect the different spirits inside and transform the relationship into a lifetime learning practice. They know that love is not a destination but a constant journey which continues beyond this realm. Sometimes, such a soul-mate comes into your life to shake you up and then goes away. Be thankful you met one. It was an intervention for you. He came to remind you of your hidden potential. He went away when his task finished. He prepared you for the next episode of your life.
In Indian marriages, the groom adorns the bride with a special necklace called a ‘mangal-sutra’. This is a way of binding energies of two lives together on a spiritual plane with the help of mantras. The significance of two people coming together is always holy. It is always a beautiful place if both people think of the relationship as a union where the orgasmic pleasure is not just carnal but also spiritual. If not, then it becomes a baseless liaison to exploit each other.
Where did I go wrong?
The day you felt possessive about each other; the day you started creating systems for each other; the day you felt you can reconstruct him or her according to your convenience; the day you started expecting more and giving less; you went wrong. She was not a ‘score’; he was not your image-enhancer.
Did he cheat? Did she drift away? Did your love turn into hate or indifference? Understand that it was never ‘love’ in the first place. Let go. Let go of the person and your negative feelings. It was a lesson…a karmic cycle…anything but love.
What do I do to dive deep in such ‘love’?
Plunge freely in the ocean of love. Expect nothing. You will get everything when you will be able to find the joy in giving. But, if you can see clearly that there is no respect given to your emotion, let go and move on because you deserve more. Don’t be afraid of loneliness. You will never be alone in your journey if you have the potential to feel and love purely.
Unless you start enjoying and respecting each other’s differences, your growth won’t happen and what doesn’t grow will eventually fall apart. The needs–physical or psychological–with which a couple comes together will change with time. It’s a sign of maturing within a relationship. You still will have the joy of being together; you still will feel the same melody of love. The things you do together might change, but the ecstasy of love won’t.
Do not look for a closure in love. Love is an endless energy. When you discover this within you, you will attract the person worthy of this love too. You both will grow with it; you both will discover the unending boundaries of it. Oxymoron? Such is love!
May you become love!